fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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