U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he shaved USA in his pubs
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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