life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
