you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
