I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
