More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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