you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
