capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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