HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
