i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
