We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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