It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
