Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize