a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
