Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
