I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
