i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
