So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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