Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
