I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
