i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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