No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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