2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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