If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
