1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
