My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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