All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
