Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
