I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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