1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
