the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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