She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
