When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
