So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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