When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize