She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize