Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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