I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
