it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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