oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
