i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
