Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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