Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
