I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
