I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
