wat bout pragnant strippers??
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
