You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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