They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
