Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
