He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
