he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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