My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
