Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
