that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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