Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You were trust falling into bushes
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
