Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
