I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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