So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
