I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
