You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
