is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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