Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
