she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize